CAM Testimonials: Leslie's Story
Leslie is in recovery from drug and alcohol addiction for 16 years. Her
inhalant and marijuana use during high school escalated to alcohol and
cocaine abuse throughout college and graduate school. She also suffers
from epilepsy as a direct result of her long-term alcohol and drug abuse.
When Leslie fell during an epileptic seizure, she developed a hematoma
that caused damage to her brain. Leslie?s Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)
presents her with physical challenges. For example, Leslie has limited
mobility and her memory, diction, and word finding abilities are impaired.
However, she believes her coexisting disabilities never interfered with
her college or graduate level education. In fact, she says that her addiction
helped her to function to a certain degree. Yet, years later, Leslie indicates
that she lost control of her drug and alcohol addiction and was eventually
admitted into a substance abuse halfway house for treatment. This was the
turning point in her recovery.
It is important to note that Leslie?s physical disability was not addressed
while in treatment for her addictions. She believes that staff and her
personal ignorance contributed to the lack of concern for her coexisting
disability. Leslie believes that everything has happened to her for a reason,
and she is grateful for ?her disability, her life, and her recovery.?
I have a history of epilepsy secondary to cocaine abuse. I also suffer
from traumatic brain injury as a result of an epileptic seizure more than
20 years ago. I am semiplegic, and my memory, diction, and word finding
abilities have been affected by my injury. I am also in recovery from drug
and alcohol addiction for 16 years. My physical disabilities are a direct
result of my addictions. After having abused cocaine and alcohol for years,
I developed epileptic seizures. I was prescribed Dilantin to control the
seizures, but I continued to drink alcohol. When I fell during an epileptic
seizure, I developed a hematoma that caused damage to my brain. I continued
to drink after I was discharged from the rehabilitation hospital. I was
prescribed Phenobarbital, but I was afraid to take this drug since I was
still drinking heavily.
My physical disability presents some handicaps to my life. I had to change
my functioning hand from right to left. Since my right hand is almost useless,
I found it difficult to type. My daily activities have also been affected
by the accident. My mobility is somewhat limited; I cannot run, and I occasionally
fall from loss of balance. My memory is impaired; I occasionally have difficulties
finding the right words to use when speaking. Since I am on a very high
dosage of Phenobarbital, I was instructed to drink large amounts of fluids
such as coffee and soft drinks to maintain my blood pressure.
I first started using inhalants and marijuana when I was a teenager. Although
I did not enjoy the feeling, I smoked marijuana for a long time. I attribute
my marijuana smoking to peer pressure; using marijuana helped me feel part
of the "in-crowd". When I started college in the State of Vermont,
I learned that the drinking age was lower than at home. I began to drink
more heavily. I also abused hallucinogens, marijuana, and speed. I did
well academically, and I was accepted to graduate school. In graduate school,
I discovered cocaine, and soon alcohol and cocaine replaced all other drugs.
Alcohol and cocaine continued to be my drugs of choice.
I believe that alcohol and cocaine helped me to function as a full-time
student and employee. I felt socially more apt, relaxed, and unwound while
under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol. Years later, I admitted that
I had lost control over my substance use, and was no longer able to function
adequately.
My spiritual beliefs are hugely important to me today. I was an atheist
when I entered recovery. Although I am not religious, I consider myself
to be very spiritual. By meditating several times a day, I am able to feel
more assured, motivated, and encouraged. I strongly believe that my higher
power left me alive and disabled so that I may advocate for people with
coexisting disabilities. My higher power empowers me, and allows me to
accept and embrace my disabilities.
When I was in grade school, I was tall and skinny with braces. In high
school, I was still tall and skinny, but my blonde hair had grown and my
braces had been removed. I felt very popular within my social crowd. I
consider my high school academic performance as average. I did not care
much about education and attributed this to my lack of direction and goals
in life. Once in college, I developed an interest in Veterinary Medicine.
After graduating from college, I obtained a Master?s degree in a discipline
of psychology.
My substance abuse never interfered with my college or graduate level
education. In fact, I feel my substance abuse helped me function to a certain
degree. However, while working on my doctoral dissertation, my addiction
caught up with me. I never obtained my Ph.D.
I worked as a waitress/bartender while in college. In graduate school,
I worked as a research/teaching assistant. I feel I was a good teacher,
but I did not enjoy my job. Being a student and an alcoholic full-time
did not allow me to be as prepared for my teaching lessons as I would have
liked. After graduate school, I worked as a research coordinator at a large
company. My alcoholism started to severely interfere with my functioning
at work. Eventually, I was told to take a paid leave of absence to get
myself together. However, I continued to drink heavily even after I suffered
my Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI).
There were several substance abuse triggers for me at work. At one of
my jobs, I did research on the effect of cocaine on lab animals. I remember
stealing the cocaine for my own personal use. I also felt that the academic
environment was very stressful; I constantly felt pushed to get published.
This was the main reason why I left academia. Looking back at my career
development, I would not change anything. I feel that every experience
contributed to my present standing at home and at work.
I am financially self-sufficient. My income is generated from my full-time
job as director of a residential living center, and two part-time jobs
as a consultant and a private therapist (I am a Certified Alcoholism and
Drug Abuse Counselor). I have never had financial problems, even when I
was actively addicted.
I have been in therapy for 17 years. I regularly attend AA meetings and
CODA meetings. I consider my affiliation with the twelve step group as
a source of social, recreational, and emotional support.
I was arrested and convicted of a misdemeanor during the Vietnam War as
a result of a protest demonstration. I am proud of why I was arrested,
and that the conviction has not negatively affected me at all.
I have never been a client of the state VR system. At the time of my CVA,
a person with a Master's degree was not considered to be eligible for services.
I felt unfairly considered by the system.
I have been in several detoxification programs, but always continued drinking
after each discharge. After I suffered my TBI, I continued to drink. Treatment
providers believed that my drinking was a sign that I was suicidal. I was
referred to a psychiatric hospital before being referred to a halfway house.
The halfway house admitted me even though my presence violated a fire code
(because of my slow ambulation). It was at the halfway house that I finally
confronted my addiction and opened up to receiving treatment.
My physical disability was not addressed while I was in treatment. I believe
that staff and my own ignorance contributed to the lack of concern for
my physical disability. While working with a state Vocational Rehabilitation
counselor on behalf of my clients at the halfway house, I realized that
I, too, had suffered a TBI.
Because I was a functioning addict for many years, all individuals that
were close to me enabled me. Because I was employed, married, and financially
successful, my addiction was minimized, if not denied. Eventually my life
became unmanageable; I was asked to take a leave of absence from work and
my husband filed for a divorce. This was the year that I hit rock bottom.
I finally confronted my addiction I am very aware that those close to me
still try to help me with my cognitive limitations. However, I am no longer
allowing any enabling with my addiction. I am grateful for my disability,
my life, and my recovery. I feel that everything has happened to me for
a reason and this is where I need to be. I would choose to do nothing differently.
I believe that rehabilitation counselors should never enable an addict,
whether physically disabled or not. An addict needs to be "slammed" or
confronted about his/her addiction. As for my future, I have no particular
goals in mind. I am taking one day at a time, and I am open to whatever.?
It is important to recognize that it wasn?t until Leslie worked with clients
with coexisting disabilities that she discovered she had one as well. The
lack of attention given to her physical disability during Leslie?s drug
and alcohol treatment has impacted her life. Through education, a strong
support system and her spirituality, Leslie has learned to accept and embrace
her coexisting disabilities without using drugs or alcohol. She strongly
believes she has remained alive through all the obstacles in her life so
that she may advocate for people suffering from multiple disabilities as
she has.
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